wow, this is crazy.
i completely forgot about this. a year and a month later i find it , aha .
we'll might as well start actually writing in this right ?
we'll let's start with someone who means a hell of a load to me. name ; gavin .
he's not my boyfriend, .. yet.
see i've known him for like.. a year and 6 months pretty much , and we've had things going on, since we met each other.
i'm in love with him. weirdly enough, it's the only thing i've ever been absolutly postive with .
he stays up with me, till 7 am.
and won't always tell me what i want to hear. he'll tell me the truth.
which is really hard to find in guys these days .
i've gone out with him already like 2 times,
but we pretty much are dating, without declaring we are?
you know?
so, since we're on the topic of love.
here's some other things.
there's this other guy josh , who is ridiculously inlove with me.
today, because i want 2009 to be differant, and i don't want to lead people on like i always do, i told him i didn't like him.
well one of my best friends told him, and he started getting all emo about it, and stuff,
he told me he wished he never met me and stuff, it really fucking hurt. like alot .
then we also have my ex; graham.
i went out with him from august to october.
so like 2 months pretty much?
he was everything i could imagine. he was the only guy i actually cared about besides gavin.
i was an idiot with graham thought; i didn't look past the pretty words.
he pretty much just wanted me in his pants, and all i wanted was his love.
he was one of the reason i started smoking weed, well he was the one who did it with me first, and i started it liking it, and blah blah blah ..
but, anyways,
so we were best friends after we dated, we told each other it wouldn't change anything.
but, it did. not for me, but for him.
he blocked me, and told people he hoped he never talked to me again.
and honestly, i'm starting to realize he didn't help anything in my life.
i don't regret dating him. i just regret spending my time on him.
he's a druggie, who thinks his life is so hard.
when really, he has a life i wish i had.
also,
i'm having a new years party tomorow, right?
and gavin said he couldn't come.
which completely got to me, cause without him. what's the point ?
but, i got over it.
i'll see him as soon as the buses start up again.
so, my tomorrow plan is.
a really good friend of mine layla's coming over early to come get the food and everything .
then guests should arrive ,later on.
i'm not as excited as i was, cause as i said gavin can't come.
i'm just gunna get baked, and wasted,
i'm sure that'll get my mind of things.
anyways, 3 in the morning.
god, i need some sleep.
later loves, ♥
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