24.10.10

the letter you'll never get the chance to read



Dear You,


I know this isn't diamonds, or a big car. It's not a trip to Cuba, or a new Iphone 4.
This is me, on the lousy internet writing you a stupid love letter. 
I hate love letters, there always superficial and saying stupid shit like " my heart beats for you" or " I can't live without you". 
You won't see that in this letter. You'll see me, telling you everything, some you don't know, other you might. I'm not really sure. In this letter, I promise you I will be nothing but honest. You may not believe me, but I will be. 





Here's our story from my point of view.

I still remember the first day you caught my eye. You and your friend just having fun, and dancing in the club.I just lightly smiled in your direction, I would have never guessed that we'd be where we are now.
About a month later, we finally get introduced. We both smile, and we have so much fun.
Me and you walk, and talk, for hours. We grab a slice at the local pizza place, and I remember we held hands for the first time here. It was awkward, yet somewhat comforting. I didn't know what to think. We exchanged numbers, and we talked like crazy. There was never a time we weren't talking. We slowly began to have feelings for each other. We were spending endless hours together, always laughing, always smiling. It was such an amazing feeling. Before I knew it, you were mine. 
At first, it was strange. For me, to have a boyfriend, after all the things that had gone on. You were nice, and you were comforting. I liked you, alot, and I liked being happy. Soon, before we knew it, my friends were your friends, we did everything together, you were my best friend, my everything. Things were going so good.. for months. Until..
I never knew the secrets you kept from me. I didn't think we kept things from each other. I saw so much in you, that I'd tell you every little thing that happened. I had yet to figure out that half the things you said to me, were lies.
It was our 6th month together, and we were okay. But, I think something happened that day. Some kind of trigger went off. 
From that day on, everything went downhill. I found out, you were taking pills .. alot. You had cheated on me, with a friend of mine, and things just kept elevating. I hate you, well I tried to. Everyone wanted me to, even I wanted to. But I couldn't. I couldn't see you doing evil. It was in the past now, things changed. You agreed. We tried, and tried, but we just couldn't get it right. We couldn't do it. I sat up every night, trying to figure out a way to fix everything. A way to keep you happy. I just wanted to figure out a way we could do it, because I knew there was a way we could. You  just gave up so easily. You didn't like the fight you had to push through to get to the other side. You still know to this day I would do anything for you. I would buy you all those things if I could, but I don't have that kind of money. I would do anything to prove to you, that all I want is you happy. I'm sorry I bother you, and nag you, and whatnot. But, half the time, you don't even listen to me. You always, most of the time anyway think I'm a joke. But I'm not. I do the things I do, because I care about you. Realistically, you're always on my mind. I am always worrying about you, and honestly, I do wonder what your doing. I'm sorry if that's wrong. If that's wrong, so is falling in love. I fell in love with you sweetheart, and you know it. You're aware of that. You told me to prove to you, that I do. I'm doing everything I possibly can to show you, and I get nothing. What do you want me to do, shout it from rooftops? 

This is the part of the love letter you may hate, 
but I would do anything for you. anything. I'd do it. 
Everyday you build me up, and somehow find a way to break me down. 
Honey, It'd give it all away for a night like we used to be, to go back to that. Although, this may not matter. At least you read it, and understand.
I apologize for bringing it up once again, but this is the truth. 
This is me. Sober. Telling you everything.
Maybe, you could write back, and tell me the truth from your perspective.


Love, 
Me.


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