Secretss .

Secrets.


That's all I have these days.
All that keeps me going everyday.

I'm still in love with you. Don't you understand that?

You will never be who I thought you were. Ever. I just miss what you pretended to be.

I'm scared of seeeing you. Your a monster to me.


Those are just a few of them.
When can these secrets be told?
Someone please let me know .

This is it .

I swore I'd never let you back in.
You left.
And I started living in a world without you.
I finally stopped waiting for the phone to ring at around 11:18pm.
I finally took the pictures of us off the bulletin board that hung right above my desk.
All the memories I had, and everything you ever said to me, I erased .
I finally forgot about you.I wasn't living in a total strangers world anymore, and I was back to my normal self.
I found a new love, and I knew it just wasn't right/
Suddendly, when everything was going wrong,
there you were. With arms wide open.
There you were, back in my life again.
Suddendly, every night the phone rang at 11:18.
My bulletin board, became full of photobooth pictures of us.
My calendar is full of the stuff we've done .
My real smile back.
It seems I'm living again.
Babe, don't go away again.
I don't know how I'd manage this time around .

I won't try that again.

Just wait,
tomorrrow night will be the night you've been waiting for for about a year now].
You and I will shine as bright as the lights that keep us awake.
You'll be my main attraction.
And this time I won't be scared.
You want me?
Silly boy, you always have.

I wish I could find you again, I'd never let you go.

"Close your eyes, and dream good dreams."
I always believed you. Nothing would hurt me. You were beside me and with that, I knew I was protected. But, I knew when you left. I knew exactly when you turned out the light. I knew exactly when you had left the room. I was left, alone, in a room. And I was frightened.Suddendly,I remembered everything that could be lurking under my bed, or in my closet. I was more scared then anything.
And that's exactly what it feels like.
I feel like you came into my room, while I was crying and sang me that pretty lullaby that you always used to sing me, and talked to me for hours, until I feel asleep. But you stayed in the room, night after night, after night. As as soon as I got used to it, you never came. I used to sit in my room and wait for you to show up, and suddendly you didn't. I waited, and waited. Sang to myself, read myself stories, thought about why you'd leave. I didn't understand and it made no sense to me. Days went by, and you still never came. I haven't slept in days.
I'm still waiting for you. I can't sleep when you're not here.
Come back?

What a place.

It was one of those moments you know?
Where everything around you is so perfect, and you just want so badly to stech it into your mind and remember it forever.
But, I have this tendancy of not remembering things very well, so I didn't bother.
But, from what I remember this place was beautiful.
The smile, the laughter. It was one of the places where things really didn't matter.
It was just such a magical place, and I just wanted so much to stay there.
Yet home was far, and I missed it.
But, this was defintly a moment to remember.
Remember Forever .

Let's just say..

In love?

So many people seem to be in it.
So many people to lose it.
So many people trying to understand it.
So many people trying go to forget it.



and, being sixteen year old, this whole love thing has been defintly a roller coaster.
A roller coaster that isn't going to stop any time soon, I know that for sure.
But, I've got someone to hold on to now.
The last roller coaster we went on, was defintly an interesting ride.
But, it was one of the funniest rides of my life.
And I was wondering, only if it's okay.
Will you fall in love with me, just one more time?
I wanna go on your roller coaster again.
I wanna be in love with you again.



I think I already am...

Please join me..

There's been so many adventures lately,
I just hope you can join me in some of the ones that are yet to come.

A change.

"You are a beautiful girl, and I love everything about you."
It ran through my head about 1000 times, until it felt right.
You were always one to build a girl up, tell her things she wants to her, make her want to be yours. That was the tricky part of you, but I knew this game to well. So I played it safe, you used every word to try to real me in, like a fish, but I knew it. The bait looked fresh, something was was to unreal for me to go get. So I didn't. I resisted it, even if it did look good. So, you kept trying.
" You are beautiful"
" And I was stupid enough to let you go, but don't you get why I did it? I was too in love with you. It frightened me."
" When I hold you,my arms feel right you know? It's never felt like that."
Soon, I caved in.
I began to believe your pretty lies, and got myself tangled.
Yet, the one thing I had never thought about was ..maybe your pretty lies, were just pretty truths.
Maybe I just didn't want to believe you had changed.
and you still wanted me.

If only.

I've gotten so wrapped up in your words that not hearing them seems wrong.
It seems as if the world has turned the other way, and gravity keeps pulling me into the past,to the last time we talked.
I start to get scared, and I freak out.
Because you're not around.
I don't have the courage to come to tell you that I want you home.
When I attempt to, it's like my mouth is sewn shut, and nothing in my brain makes sense.
The word dictonary that my brain had developed begins to come to moosh, and nothing makes sense.
Words then become mumbles, and you don't really understand why I'm in such state of being.
If only you knew ..

Hear me out.

I'm sorry,for all the mistakes I haven't made yet.
I'm sorry,for all the rude comments I haven't said yet.
I'm sorry,for not being all you think I could be.

I'm sorry.

Thanks, I love you.

I was surrounded, by millions of people.
Trying to find you, trying to figure out just where you had gone.
I wasn't ready to leave you. My wings just weren't ready to fly, and I wasn't ready to leave the nest yet.
I walked and I saw mothers holding there daughters hands, and I never really payed much attention to it.
But there's a sparkle in the mothers eyes when they look at there daughter.
It's beautiful, it really is.
We glow in there eyes, a beautiful golden outline, that becomes more pure the more we succed.
I began to cry.
Not because I was upset, but because I never realized how much we really mean to our mothers.
How much I mean to my mother.
So, I pushed, and squeezed through every part of the crowd.
And soon, I found her.
My home. My life.
And I grabbed her hand, and looked her in the eyes and said

" Thank you, For everything ."

I'm afraid.

Breath in.
Breath out.
Walk left.
Walk right.
Look right.
Look left.
Breakdown silently.
Breakdown loudly.

"It's running lose, somewhere in town"
I heard the zoo chief talking to the boss.
"It just rambled right throught the cage, and ran as fast as it could.
As if it ws trying to catch something, and if it didn't run fast enought it wouldn't catch it. I sure hope it catches it. It'll be easier to find then."
I froze.
My favorite animal in the animal kingdom, the only reason I even worked at this zoo was gone.
So, I quit that job.
And I went on a search of my animal.
I wouldn't sleep for days, and I only ate hot dog weiners for dinner and lunch.
Breakfast wasn't that important to me.
I looked in every nook and crany, and I investicated on why this animal would've left.
And suddendly, one night 6 months later.
I came to the conclusion, I was never going to find the animal. Ever.
Then, as I arrived at home that night.
I saw some kind of figure sitting at my door step, and I saw it there.
My pride and joy, my favorite animal was there on my door step.
And it's mine. To take care off, and love.
He needs his time without me, and won't come home for days, and those are the night I can't sleep, and I toss and turn.
But, I always know he'll come home.
Because he came home after those 6 months.
He will always come home.
No matter what.
I am his home.
And he is mine.

A twist in our story?

I was scared when I first heard,
Scared, and betrayed. But, I guess those emotions faded.
I wasn't really sure exactly how I was feeling though.
I was completely unsure what to think.
You betrayed me, and lied to me. And I was okay with that?
Obviously not.
How could I be okay with that? But, the bigger question I had to ask myself was why?
A best friend shouldn't do things like that. That's not what a best friend would do.
Then of course, yesterday when I was with my friends that you had recently began to interact with ,I heard everything. What you were planning to do to me.
Have sex with my ex-boyfriend? Kiss him in the rain?
I heard about everything you were planning on doing.
But, what there's a part of this you don't know.
There's a twist in this story.
But, our forever has come to an end.
And our trust has been broken.
So, here comes the twist.



..

This might be quite a ride.

Well, love stories aren't real anymore and I think everyone know that these days.
Cinderella's foot got bigger, and the glass slipper didn't fit anymore.
Snow White got really tired of all the 7 dwarfs,
Sleeping Beauty had more fun sleeping, then fighting with Mr.Prince Charming.
They just aren't real these days, and I think everyone in this century knows that.
You find what you find, and you deal with it.
It might not be perfect, but it's what you have to deal with.
I found you.
And, you're nothing close to perfect, and I know that.
We fight constantly, and your always telling me what's wrong with me.
Yet, I love that feeling.
Your something I need to hold onto.
and I'm going to keep holding on, until I losed grip.
And I hope my hand holds on tight.

Maybe I would disapper without you.

I just wanna be with you.
The distance doesn't matter anymore.
I'm ready to fight it this time around.
I'm willing to fight for everything.
I love you.

You remembered the little things.

While she wished you were hers,
I wished you finally remembered me, and gave me a call.
And suddendly,
when I least expected, I heard your voice on the line.
It was like my dream came you.
Suddendly, you remember me, and everything inbetween.

Wishes don't help.

I wish you called more often.
I'm scared you'll find someone else, that's not me.


Because, I secretly found someone.
Who isn't you.