Come Home.

I'm sick of it.
I wait at the window all day, just to see a glimpse of your face.
Or maybe the little crease that appers on the side of your mouth when you smile, or maybe the little freckle you have on your left cheek.
I'd sit on the bench we have near the window, from when I wake up in the morning, till when I think it's dark outside. When I can't make out the shadows anymore. I'd wait to the point I couldn't see anything.
I don't want to be waiting all my life.
Are you ever coming home?

I'm not ready for this.

I don't want to think about it.
I don't want to talk about it.
I don't want to be reminded about it.
I don't want to cry about it.
I don't want to be mad about it.





But, I don't want to forget about it.

The town will be brightened by colours I can only see.

Lately, I've been seeing magic fairy dust everywhere I go.
Before I see it, I get these flashbacks of memories that relate to the certain place, or certain thing.
As the flashback ends, the fairdust appers.
I don't question the fairy dust though because I like to think the fairy dust is a sign that I'm learning to let go of old memories and old stories. I'm learning to let go.
Soon, all my memories will turn to stardust, and this whole town will be brigthtened with the special dust that only I can see.

My story book ending.

You came on your white horse, your hair swaying in the wind, and your eyes sparkling.
Once I saw you I finally believed in love at first sight.
You helped me upon your horse, and galloped away.
I told you about what had happened, with my step mother, and my evil step sisters.
I told about what the witch that tried poising me.
I told you about my 7 dwarf friends that stayed with me forever.
I told you everything about me. You knew it all.




You told me about how being the prince wasn't always easy.
You told me about how your mom was the queen and how everyone bowed down to her.
You told me about how everyone treated you differently cause you were the prince. 
You told me everything about yourself. I knew it all.
We traveled to everyplace we could on the way back to our castle.
But, we got lost. 
We're at a dead end, and I'm scared.
What if this is the end.. for us.
Not just for the journey.

This is not to get confused , this one's for you.

I gotta get my head into this.
I don't want to leave. I can't. But then again, I don't think I can stay. I'm in love with you. You're holding my heart right in your hands baby. But I have to tell you the truth. It's time to confess. I don't know if I'm ready for this. I don't know if I'm ready for all this. For someone to finally care. Someone to hold onto while I fall, someone to wipe the tears away when I'm crying and someone to help me when the answer is just to hard. I don't know if I'm ready to share my life with you.I've always been the kind of girl who believed I'd only love myself, and you came into my world and the whole world started spinning and my stomach was filled with butterflies. Baby, give me some time to make up my mind. Remember- I love you.

Please understand, some girls cant stay strong forever.

" What's wrong baby? You look like a human waterfall. Tears keep falling out of your pretty blue eyes and I don't know how to make them stop. I don't know how to change the world for you baby. I want to fight away all the evil for you. Fight all your battles for you. Babe, I wish I could take all your pain away. I'd do anything to make you happy, but I'll hold onto you. Lay here in my arms and cry.I won't leave baby .. I promise "

Would you like a love letter?

I want a love letter. One with words that make my heart grow wings and fly higher then I thought was possible. I want words to be scibbled on a piece of paper, that gets delievered to my front door by you. I want a single piece of ligned paper, that your heart thought of, and took to rearrage a perfect sentence explaining exactly how you feel with me. I want you to explain to me, the things I gave to your life. Like  how the sun has an extra coat of yellow, making the sky brighter, making your whole world brighter each and every morning, since we met. I want you to write down the words you feel, how your hearts jumps, and your words get tangled into some spider wed that evolved in your mind, and how you always worry about what comes out of your mouth. I want you to explain to me, how you feel like your eyes were in black and white, and you dont understand what happened but, as soon as you saw me, your world was suddendly colourful. Your world suddendly started getting waves of blue, pink , purple and every colour.
You were shocked that this was possible. But, since you met me, you believed anything was possible.
I want you to remind me this will be forever. That without me,you dont see a future. You dont see yourself without a smile on a beautiful girl. You dont know what youd do.
I just want a love letter.

Falling alone, hurts more then you know.

You have to promise me this one thing? Don't tell me you love me, if you know you'll leave. Don't hold my hand if you know you'll let go soon. Don't rip my heart from my chest if you know I'll have no chance of getting it back. Baby, don't let me fall in love with you, if you have no intention of taking the jump with me. Promise?

They Were My Childhood Memories

You never liked places that were quiet. You attracted noice, but for some reason since I like these places you slowly became fond of it as well. You asked if we could go to chapters, just so I could read to you. Read you the books that my mom used to read me, and why they were special.
" Every Friday, before Christmas day, my mom would read me the story and then we'd watch the movie" I said as I opened the book" How The Grinch Stole Christmas. "

"This book was my thursday book, every thursday I'd scream and yell about I didn't want to eat dinner, and she'd send me to my room and I'd do just what the kid in the book did, and then she'd come read me the story, and have my food for me "
I said as I opened the next book Where The Wild Things Are.
With each book, your eyes got bigger, as if each story and each reason I read it, made you feel more connected to me. More involved in a life you had wished you'd been a part of. With each book, you got my childhood memories. As I finished each book, I gave you a memory of mine. I'm letting you in now. This is becoming serious.
Don't let me down. Don't let me grow attached if all you'll be is another memory.

That perfect moment.

We were at my favorite spot in town, the bagel shop that I had been going to since I was 3 years old. You brought me there every so often, just to have a bagel, or sometimes to just sit down and chat. But there was one day, at that bagel shop I will never forget. It all happened on October 31st 2009. Halloween. I was with a group of friends, some I didn't know very well, others I knew like the back of my hand.Then there was you. You had my heart way before this day, but this was the day things started unravelling and becoming something more." Can I talk to you?" You whispered in my ear as I finished my favorite plain bagel, with pb and j. I wiped my mouth, and took a quick sip of orange juice, and we walked out of the bagel shop. You stopped me, right behind it. "Do you know what love means?" You asked. I sat there completely out of breath, and unsure of what was coming." It's when you find the missing piece.The missing part of your life, and it doesn't matter how old you are when you find it,or where you are in your life. Love is finding that missing piece. Maybe your shy, and that missing piece makes you more outgoing. Maybe your hiding from people and that piece helps you come out. Whatever it may be, the missing piece helps you be a better you makes you feel more alive.Look, I know I said I'd never use the "L" word until I completely meant it. But, see your my missing piece. When I'm with you I'm not afriad of anything. Not afraid of dying. Not afraid of tomorrow. Not afraid of anything. You make me the best person I could ever be, and everyday I find myself smiling, because I have the most beautiful girl in the entire world, and she's all mine. So, baby.The reason I brought you out here, is because I wanted to tell you I love you. I know they're just words, but I could scream it off rooftops, I would go to every radio station and scream " I love Rachel Innesosa" I would. Baby, I want the whole world to know your mine. "
Then, you kissed me.Forever and always. It was the most perfect moment, I've ever had in my life.



And I was there when you said forever and always, you didn't mean it baby.. Or did you?

I remember what my momma said, don't trust anyone with the word love.

I love to smile. Everyone knows that. I love the feeling of my muscles moving into a force where happiness is shown.It makes things so pretty. Things can be brightened so easily. But the truth of it is, I haven't been doing it much lately.My muscles don't seem to have enough power to make a smile. My eyes want to water, and I breathe it to force it to stop. The reasoning for all this, is well you. Your ignorance and distance away from me is breaking me. Time is needed, and it's pretty clear you don't have time for this. This doesn't matter to you. I can't read your mind, but your eyes tell a story I think anyone could read. Your not interested. I mean nothing. Your with me for the fear of being alone. Your not living if your lonely, and you keep me for your unrealistic happiness. But what you've done to me is terrible. You've grabbed my heart,and your dangling it from the top of a cliff. I'm totally in love with you, and you have the advantage. I'll do anything to make you stay. Anything at all. It tears me in two. But that's the reality of it. Your in love with the thought of me.I'm in love with everything you are. A part of me wishes you'd let go, but the majordy of me know I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Even if you don't love me.

You Have No Idea How You Hurt Me.

You may not know it, but your distance and ignorance are slowly breaking my heart.
When I say “I’m fine”, tell me to shut the fuck up and stop lying.

I Wouldn't Be Able to Live Life Normally.

do you want to know the truth? i'm scared, okay? i'm terrified to get too close to you because i don't want to get my heart broken. i'm afraid that if we take this further i'm just going to get hurt and to be honest, i don't think i could take that.

You Can Make It Less Akward.

Just You. That's It.

I feel it, the earth suddendly turns really fast, and everything in my vision turns to blurs. I feel it, my head trobs and my stomach is in untieable knots. I feel it, my hearts going way over the speed limit, and my feet are no longer on the floor. I'm floating. I feel it, the clouds are soft and I'm comfortable. I feel it. When your around me. I feel love.The feeling that's completely undescribable.I finally feel that. With you.

It Says The Words For Me.

 

 

 

You Were The Best. No Doubt About That.

This Sounds Like The Perfect Christmas Present.

The Morning Light And The Setting Sun Love You, Just As Much As I Do.

I think we share the same soul.

When I see your face my heart twirls inside the rattling cages of my ribs and chest.

I'm also certain that fairy dust or something magical dispenses from your finger tips from time to time. I think when you have the hiccups you sound really cute.

I also believe you're the reason all the gardens in the world florish, and why crickets come out at night to conduct and orchestrate beautiful night time symphonies. 

They make pretty sounds because they want you to fall asleep so that they can watch you look innocent with your eyelids shut and your arms embracing your pillow.
( I wish I was your pillow)

And, well if you weren't around, none of this world would exsist.
My whole life would seem boring and useless.
My life would be so dull without you.

Sometimes. But Not All The Time.

Home, is where you are.

 

 

I'm always at home, when its you standing beside me.

I want you here with me. I haven't smiled in days.

He said,
" I hate this place. I miss your smile. I miss your face."

This day I will remember. This will be my remebrance day.

I was there when you said forever and always. I remember the way your eyes shinned, and the way you held my hand so tightly.
Baby, I remember it all.

Question is :
Do you?

I'm a liar. A good one too.

You thought that you knew me.
But, all you knew was the person I tried to be.

You're a believer. That's all I ever wanted.

You believed I could be somebody.
That itself won me over.

I'll still see you in the future.

Think of me when your out there.

I'll be begging for change. Holding a cardboard sign. Laying on street corners at night.

You'll be livin' it up. Money will fall like raindrops into your perfect scenery

It's sad.

All I ever wanted was you.

My thoughts were corrupt, but somehow right.

I remember what you wore that very first day.
You came into my life, and I thought

"Hey ,this could be something"


 I guess I was right.

This was the story of Ryan Shamley

You've never seen me before.
But I always see you.
You've never heard me before.
But I hear you talk all the time.
You've never heard anyone talk about me.
But I've heard everyone talk about you.
You've never visited me once.

But, I guess I'm the one with time of my hands, not you.

I'm a nobody.

I lay down in this bed.Comforted by the electronic devices that surrond me. The machines that lay next to me keep alive. It upset me, that I can't live without them. This hospital bed get uncomfortable sometimes, and I'm always so lonely. People walk by me, during the day, asking me if I need help or if I'm unhappy, or uncomfortable, and all I really want to say is " get me out of here". But, I've been here for 3 years now, and the first year I used to ask the people if I could leave, and I'd always get the same answer " It shouldn't be much longer. You'll be out before you know it."  After the first year, I gave up. So, I've become one hell of a good liar since I've been put in here. I lie to everyone lately, about everything. It's not fair to them really, but it's just a habit now. The sad part of it is, I've lied for so long now that I feel like I've lost myself in them. I forget who I really am alot of the time. I feel like I'm a fly caught on a spider web, and the more I lie the closer the spider gets to me. But for some reason, even though I might be eaten by a creature I do it again and again. I'm not afraid of what could happen, because I could die before that happens anyways.

The doctors saying I'm slowly fading, and honeslty I wish I would fall into a coma tonight, and finally say goodbye to this world. This disease took my life away. My friends don't come here anymore, and mama's always crying, daddy barely comes to see me. This has taken everything.  I feel unloved, as if I'm just here for pain to laugh in my face.I'm only here for God to laugh at when he has a bad day. That's what I like to believe at least. I sit here alone, all day. I don't have anyone to talk to anymore, so I talk to myself. I feel as if everyday I start to go more insane. The doctors already look at me crazy, so it doesn't really matter if I look insane. But, looking insane isn't as bad as feeling as if your going insane. Going insane, is like seeing things that arent real, but hoping and wishing that they were. Somewhat like love, well so I've heard at least. It's ike you know it's not an actual feling or thing, but you wish and you hope it is. Then, magically at one point of your life, its there.All the hoping and wishing payed off. See, I have this wish list  that hangs on the bulletin board to my left. It has a bunch of get well soon cards from my grandparents, and from my friends when they used to come by, but see the thing that takes the most room on the bulletin board is the list of things I want to do before I die. The list only has 5 things, but I guess there the things I would give everything to have.

Number #1 - Fall in love -

I thought I was in love once. Her name was Maggie and I was in the Seventh grade. We had been friends since we were 4 years old, which was when she moved to Texas. I know everything about this girl. Favorite colour, favorite movie, favorite show, favorite celebrity, favorite song, the list goes on. I know secrets she's never told anyone. I knew everything. I knew in the seventh grade that I was in love with her because she liked Bradley, my best friend at the time,and I was so jelous. He liked her too, and they dated. I heard everything from both of them, and I always tried to shut them out when they talked, and I could never be around them when they were together. Maggie would call me everytime they faught, and I'd listen to her cry, and I knew I would,or could make her happy. But, I couldn't risk anything. She was happy, and my best friend was too. I guess I admired her for a couple years. Then, when I came into the hospital, she came and visited me three time a week. She told me everything. Then, suddendly, she barely came to see me. I was lucky if she came once a month. I think about Maggie everyday, and I always wonder what could've happened if I told her. I'm too late now though, but Maggie is the closest thing to love that I've ever felt.

Number #2 - Be at two places at once.
I'm not exactly magic, so this would defintily be phyically impossible.
So, this will most defintly be on my list for many years.



Number #3 -Travel Europe.

I've had a fund for it since I was 10. It's been my dream for well as long as I can remember. The Make a wish foundation was going to bring me there, but I guess other kids wishes are more important. Plus, I get older. The younger ones need the wishe more than I do. But, it's still my biggest wish.

Number #4 - Sing The United States Nation Athem in the middle of Times Square at Midnight.

I've been to New York many times. Mom used to have alot of buisness trips there, and before the disease was bad, I used to go with her. I used to stand in the middle of Times Square with my mom, holding her hand, and I'd feel so small. As if I was just one snowflake in a huge mountain of snow. I felt as if I made no differance in the world, but that's what made me want to outshine that feeling. I wanted to shine brighter than Time Square. I wanted to have a sign of me, shinning right near Times Square. The dream to sing the The U.S.A National Athem at midnight, came from my dad. He said it'd be the way to show everyone I was there, like the Who's that lived on the dandelion in Horton Hears a Who, my favorite childhood book. If Jojo hadn't yelled, then the kangaroo and all the animals wouldn't have believed The Who's were there. I wanted the whole world to know I exsisted, and that would be the only way. But, yet again, this is only something I wish I could do. I know I won't be able to do it.

Number 5# - I want to meet Obama.

I think every person that lives in the U.S would dream about this as well. I mean, the first black president is a big deal. I just think I would have the most interesting conversation of my life with him. I'd finally have a good story to tell people about.

That's the list so far. I've been thinking about adding stuff, but I just don't really care much about it, because I know now that this things are just wishes. Things that probably won't happen. I'm dying faster, and faster as the days come and go. As time flys by, the tears slowly dry, and the pain hurts less and less. It will soon be my 4 year aniverary of being in the hospital. In this stupid hell hole. I hope god brings me home that day. I hope he decides to stop laughing at me, and bring me up there to laugh straight to my face. I hope I don't cry. I hope I stay strong. I hope I don't let him down. Not like he did to me. I think what I'll do is laugh in god's face. To prove to him, that what he did didn't break me, it built me.

The truth is.

With me, baby is where you belong.

Baby. You need to stop. It's gone now.

You're still in love with me.

You never really fell out of love with me, did you?

Baby, love just took over , and failed miserably.

All I ever wanted was a simple way to get over you,


And I did.



Now, It's time for you to get over yourself.
And me.

This is why I want you out of my life ,

It's like you smiled, and shook my hand and said

" Hey, I'm about to screw you over big time."

Probably the luckiest girl in the world,

Maybe I'm just lucky,

cause it's hard to believe that somebody like you'd end up with someone like me.

Always,

And All I need is you next to me.

I was a dreamer, and you had been my dream.

I was always a dreamer, always dreaming about my perfect boy.

It was one night, I fell asleep, and dreamt about what I wanted in a boy. About how unperfect he was going to be. About how much I'd fight for the relationship. In my dream I saw him, and he looked just like this :

A guy, whose not to tall, but then again not shorter than me.
A guy ,with style, wears A&E but can pull of West 49.
A guy, who will make fun of me, and then kiss me, and whisper " I'm kidding"
A guy, who will hold my hand in front of his ex- girlfriend, and kiss me in front of her.

A guy, who will bring let me hang out with him and his friends, and he'll still act as if I'm there.

A guy, who would remind me he loved me, at random times during the day.

A guy, who would watch sunsets and stay on the phone with me until I fell asleep.
A guy, who all my friends liked, and all his friends liked me.


And, suddendly, when  I opened my eyes.
There you were. The exact boy I had been seeing in my dream. The guy who fit all the criteria.
It was like I dreamt you into my life.



You grabbed my neck, and kissed my lips.

" Hey baby, I love you, just to remind you."

I'm so sorry, baby.

Lately, we've been fighting.
About the stupid little things that drive us both crazy.
I scream and I yell, and I just want to punch you, my fist clenched with anger.
I want to be right. I want to be wrong.
I don't know what I want anymore.
I want to hate you so much when you break my promises or say something stupid.
But, with a face like yours who could?
I get mad, and then I look at you again one more time.
I look at your face that looks afraid, and scared.
I come to my senses that this was my fault, and I putt his fight into play.
I look at you and apologize.
I'm so sorry.
We'll fight. It's only normal.
But, I'm always here.
Always.

I'll never forget it.

Let this night be the night to remember.
The night we forget, our age, our names, and where we were before this exact moment in time.
Our age doesn't matter, if we're too young that doesn't matter to me.
Your name, I'll remember, but I just want to close my eyes, and take this in.
Where I was, or who I was before this exact moment, doesn't matter. This is where everything begins.
Let's go past the tongue, let's get crazy tonight.
I'm ready baby, take me to a paraside of friction.
Let's start with you, and I.
Starring at each other, I'll never forget the way you looked at me.
I'll never forget you.

you make me feel something i've never felt.

I was never one to know what love was.
Mom was always gone on her buisness trips, or her 'girlfriend' weekends or at work. As for dad, well we didn't commincate well, he was never much of a talker.
I grew up alone, I guess, well along with brandon, my older brother. We were unstoppable, that kid and I, but we didn't know love if it came knocking on our front door. See I'd try and figure it out, I mean what kid wouldn't right? But, I'd never seem to figure it out. I'd always do something wrong, or say something I shouldn't have done. Then, suddednly he came along. He was like my best friend and my boyfriend, and with both of those together it made everything perfect. We didn't kiss until we knew it was time. And we always held hands, because that's when I felt protected. Like I had someone fighting my battles with me. He always stares at me, and in my the back of mind I always wonder why, but he knows I wonder and when I make a confused face , he looks at me even closer, and says ' baby, your beautiful.. I just don't understand how I got someone as beautiful as you .. It takes some getting used to.'
So, a kid like me, who never felt love? Yeah, I'm feeling it , and in case you haven't figured it out. It feels great.

Get out of my way, a new adventure's on the way.

"Life's a climb but the view's great."

I've never learned more about life, then I have here.

It showed me the young woman I was destined to be, and it helped the kid inside of me, break free.

I remember the first day,

Walking in, thinking " I'll figure who I am,here.This will be everything. It's high school."

And over the 2 years that I stayed there. I found out.

I found out I was afraid. I found out I had to many walls built up. I found out I'm scared of commitment.

Then, as time when on, I  came to realize something.

I wasn't afraid, I was unsure about what was going to happen. A feeling every human being has.

I didn't have to many walls built up, I just wanted to make sure I chose the right friends, and I was scared I hadn't.

I wasn't scared of commitment. I was scared of falling in love, and never being able to fall out.

Look, who's all grown up now.

I think it's time this girl has a new adventure.

Goodbye.

You remind me of a melody I didn't know.

"Starin' blanky ahead, just making my way, makin' my way through the crowd"

It was all I ever thought about.
Take in what you have, and  live with it.
1000 Miles by Vannessa Carleton was always a song, I listened to, when I felt alone, or out of place.
It was one of those songs that made me believe you'd find me one day.
You'd be just like me.
So afraid, but so comfortable.

" I could have met you in a sandbox, I could have passed you on the sidewalk could I have missed my chance and watched you walk away?"

Then, I'd listen to Love Song For No One By John Mayer,  and it'd make me wonder where you are.
Behind me, beside me, infront of me, I'd be paranoid.
I'll look around, and wonder who I was attracted too, and wonder about if I knew them, and if I fell in love with them, and what my life would look like.


Then, when I thought I found someone,
Tongue Tied ByFaber Drive was the only thing that even made sense.

"And everytime I try, I get tongue tied. I need a little good luck to get me by this time"


But, now,

I've got  you.

And,
So many songs remind me of you.


Taylor Swift's "Love story "
" You be the prince, and I'll be the princess, it's a love story baby, just say yes."

The Plain White Tee's "Hey There Deliah"
"Two more years and you'll be done with school, and I'll be making history like I do. You know it's all because of you."

Hedley's "Trip"
"Some say love is not for sinners, I believe that isn't true, cause when I was finished sinning, love came down and gave me you."

Don't waste your time on me.

"Don't do it"
I starred at you, for a couple minutes, knowing the things that you could unleash if I gave you the key.
The permission to give away information I gave to you, when you were mine.
" Why not? We could be friends"
You said, with voice full of anger.


" I'm happy. Don't you understand that? I'm finally happy, without you.
I'm finally okay with fighting my own battles, and not being rescued. I realized what we had wasn't love, but lust.
It was your typical High School love story, and it ended. For a reason.
At the beginging it was sweet, and we were crazy about each other, but as time went on, feelings changed. I began to realize all you had done, was hurt me. And I was ready to move forward. I was ready for something new."

I spoke with fear, and you knew that I was lying.

" You miss me.
whether you'll admit it to me, or not. You might not want me back, but you miss what we had.
And  .. well maybe your not the only one.
I remember the way people would stare at us, so jelous of what we had.
I remember the way I'd think I was the luckiest boy in the world .. and how when I looked at you, I saw the most..."

I cut you off right there.

" STOP"

"I don't want to hear anymore of it.
Look, I don't want you back. I have someone. I am happy now. Just because you're not flying high enough, doesn't mean I have to come down with you. Look, we were good. But were not anymore.
And, I don't miss you."
"Go away!"



It was in the moment, where I had no idea what I had just said.
But, I didn't want to realize if I was lying or not.
Because, all I know right now is I'm happy.
And, right now, that's all I want to feel.

So, as you walked out the door,
you looked me in the eyes, and said words I never thought I'd ever hear from your mouth again,

" I love you boo, I always did, and I always will. Maybe you'll figure out you love me too one day, and when that day comes.. I hope you call me. I'll be waiting."

Maybe for once, I get a happy ending.

You be the prince, and I'll be the princess,

I'm the girl who never really knew the world, and what was beyond her little castle,

and you're the  boy who had a map, but didn't exactly know where he was headed.

But, I took a step out of the castle, and took a breath of fresh air, and I suddendly, from the corner of my eye, I saw you.

On your white horse, ready to take me away.


It's a love story,
Baby, just say yes.

I'm trying to keep up with all these emotions ,

I'm scared.
I'm safe.
I'm worried.
I'm calm.
I'm upset.
I'm happy

I'm nervous.

I'm comfortable.

I'm cold.

I'm warm.

I'm shaking.

I'm not moving at all.

Baby, I'm falling.
Catch me, please?

Baby, you're just as frightening as clowns.

Sometimes I wonder what's holding me back?

What's holding me back from me telling you about my childhood?
About how I don't know my real father, and how I learned how to rollerblade this year, and how I didn't live at home for a couple years?

What's holding me back from me telling you about the odd things about me?
How I can't sleep without the blanket on my feet, and how much you make me smile when you sing to me, how I read because I feel alone?

What's holding me back from telling you the truth?
How I hate that you drink all the time, because my mom's an alcoholic, how I hate when you say another girl's hot, how badly I want you to send smileys when you text me, because I'm a paranoid freak.

What could it be?

I think it's possibly because,
I'm so afraid.
I'm afraid of falling in love with you.
Because, I'm afraid I'll fall out.

Everything's out of control.

Sometimes you can never really understand what's going on around you, like suddendly your on the fastest ride on at the town fair, and you just keep going on it, over and over again, and for some reason, your not bored, and even more so you arent sick. And you always got sick on that ride.
The fact was the emotion you felt was nothing you ever could even be bothered to explain. It was like you were upet, but happy. Angry, yet calm. It didn't make sense anymore. The lights were blurs now, and you are numb. And for some reason, you wish you felt anything but how you were feeling, because anything is better than nothing, right?

Last time I talked you to, you looked right past me.

A girl.
The average outcast girl.
With the short odd coloured hair, the face with the strange features, and the clothes that just never matched.
That was you.
And, yes at first it was cool to have a friend that was outcasted. That didn't have much, or I thought didn't have much.
Until, I knew you're reality.
Until, I knew the way you worked.

Let's start the story out from the beginning.
I was the popular girl at Riverdale High, the "Rich" High School, as alot of people would say. It was full of preps, and snobby little bitches, who I swear got into buisness when they really didn't need to know.

You were at McKenzie School of Arts, the " Openly Gay" High School. You had been in selected to be part of the Literary Arts program, back when you were in the 9th grade. Personally, I wasn't sure why you were there, because your writing didn't have much class to it. But either way. That's where you went.

Then, I met him.
He was the dork at my school. The guy who joined chess club, and swim team. He was the guy who had no friends, but said " Hi" to about everyone in the hallway. You'd always seem him studying for something. If you really looked, he was beautiful. And, I noticed it in the second semester of Grade 9. He sat a couple rows in front of me in my Science Class, and I was just so drawn to him. So I invited him to have lunch with me, and my best friend at the time. He was shy at first, but at the same time he looked comfortable. The more we talked, the more we knew about each other, and the more we knew about each other, the more interested we got in each other. After 2 weeks of knowing Drew, he had asked me out. The popular girl, and the dork of the school, were dating.

But, there were people I had yet to meet.
You and Drew had been best friend since the 8th grade, and hung out all the time. His friend were all at McKenzie, and he wanted to go there aswell, but his parents wouldn't have let him.
There was a party one night, and that was the night I met you.
I was chatting it up with everyone, got to know names, " Abby, Harleigh, Janie .."
I walked to Drew, and he introduced me to you.
" Hailey, this is Roxy"
I looked at you strange, but we became instant friends.
We hung out many times after that party, and our friendship just kept growing.
Drew started to get kinda upset, because Roxy had been his friend, and when we fought she was his only getaway.
But, he soon got over it.
A couple months later, Drew and I broke up, and I was devasted, althought I was the one who did it.
I talked about Drew alot, and because you knew him well, you were a great shoulder to cry on, or at least I thought you had been.
Months passed, and I was still hung up on Drew, but we had been best friends, and it worked out. I still spent time with him, we watched movies together like we used to, we did everything, just like we used to. Just there wasn't that connection anymore. No more kissing. But, we sometimes still did hold hands. I began to grow used to it. And soon, another love came my way.
But, for the months I had been so hung up on Drew,talking about how special he was, how well he treated me, you fell in love with him. And decided not to mention anything to me. Kept it your own little secret.
And, when I found out you wanted to have sex with Drew, things went a littl overboard.
My trust for you had now been completely broken, and suddendly things had been broken.
I hated you, with great passion.
And, I ended our friendship.

Now? What's happening?

You told me you cried everynight, because we weren't friend, and I felt bad for you, so I said we could friends again. Little did I know that was a bad idea.
You talk about Drew 24/7, and He know has a great girlfriend.
Drew, and I are still best friend, always telling each other everything.
Drew now hates Roxy, because of the obsession over him.
And, me? Well, I start to hate Roxy a little more everyday now.
She just doesn't know.
But, she will soon.

You're the best, that I'll have to admit.

Baby, I've been thinking of everything we've talked about.
And, I want you to remember, I think you're amazing. And I don't want out of this any time soon.

The list of things we need to do.


1. Play a game of soccer, and since I'm a boy I'll try and be good at it, but knowing in the end, you'll win.

2. We'll skate on the canal, and I'll teach you to skate. I'll pick you up when you fall, and when your hands are too cold, and your stomach is empty, I'll go buy you a beaver tail, and hot chocolate, and hold you. Until, your warm again.

3. On you're 17th birthday, I will stand up on the table, and sing you "Hey There Deliah by The Plain White Tee's" And I will scream it, so everyone can hear me. I'll embarras you, just so you don't forget your 17th birthday.

4. I'll come to your early season hockey games, and cheer you on. Even if you fall, and don't score. I'll laugh on the sidebars, and smile.

5. I'll come to your dance recitals, and watch your feet seeing if your walking any better, and I'll come up to you after the recital, and say " Hey looks like my penguins growing up, and finally walking like a human."

6. I'll attend the Taylor Swift concert with you, and I will sing as loud as I can.
I will hold your hand and sing all her songs to you.
(I know them all)
And, I'll remind you how much you mean to me, about every 15 minutes.

7. I'll always meet you at the Little Critters Pet Store, and I'll sneak up on you, and scare you, while you watch the bunny you want that you've already named.

8. I will spend 2 hours with you in Wal Mart, looking at the stupid things they have, and play with the toys, and we'll try not to break them.

9. I will not say I love you, until I know I mean it, and we've been in the relationship a long time.

10. I will attend Where The Wild Things Are, on it's premier day, because I know it has been one of your favorite books since you were little, and you're mom used to read it every Thursday night.

11. I will attend Lights with you, because I know you like her, and if I get to spent more time with you, then I'll go.

12. I'll hold your hand no matter what, and I'll keep you protected from anything.
Promise, promise.