Were just to afraid of what would happen if we told someone.

Post secrets seem to be my new getaway these days.
I like to read everyone elses secrets, before I even begin to let my own out.
They keep me grounded, as if I'm not the biggest secret teller in the world.
The secrets that are written in those books make me feel less alone in the world, as if people actually understand. Some of the things I couldn't ever dream about. But, it makes me happy, even thought there quite upsetting.
Post secrets are hidden words from hidden faces.

You see me in black and white, while in reality I'm a rainbow.

"Stop pinpointing every bad thing about me!"
I screamed at you.
"You hit me, you scream at me, you tell me everything that I can't stand. I try and fix it, but then I go and realize I'm myself and if you can't handle that well, what do you want from me?"
I just kept screaming and the words were finally working. It was as if I practiced this scene over and over.
Suddendly, you came out of your silence and started your streak of yelling.
"You've changed. You're not the girl I thought I knew. You used to be someone I could talk to about everything. Now, now everythings a joke with you. You're never not smiling, or laughing."
Your eyes starred at me,and I could feel the anger shooting everywhere in my body.
"I don't cry anymore. Does that affect you that much? I realized if your happy things will be happy. If your upset about everything that goes on around you, then what's there to do? Stop getting mad at me for being me. You didn't really know who I was in the first place." I was now gettting frusterated. I wanted to throw you into the past, and watch your face as you saw the person I remember being. You would see the happy girl, not the girl you knew because I was unhappy at a certain point of my life."
I took in my surroundings. The boy I was in love with had fallen asleep on the rough couch. I sat next to him, just admiring him for a little while. He made me feel calm. And that's defintly what I needed to do. I sat there for a while, and soon he opened his eyes. He was sleepy, and I told him everything was fine, so he went back into his deep sleep.
After getting my head back into peace, she asked something I had been wondering the whole time as well.
"Does this mean our friendship has ended?"
She looked at me, and I couldn't feel anything. She had been there for so many things. Without her, what am I?
Then, suddendly I knew exactly what to say.
" Do you remember what I wrote on your leg, that night with us in the tent?"
She responded right away.
" Okay, let's stop fighting. I'll love you forever and always."
" What does always mean?"
I asked, while smiling.
" Always, meaning all the time."
I smiled.
" What about forever?"
"As long as we want it to be"
After that fight, we both smiled.
And, right then, I realized my life would totally be differant without her.
I jumped on her, and we hugged.
Everything was fine again, well for now.

Here's to the sweet smell of summer, and the laughter that filled that kitchen,

We slept in the kitchen, the fridge located right next to the sheets we had put down.
It was hot, and everything was slowly getting covered in sweat.
It was late, and all her mother could hear was our giggles. With her, everything was funny. She gave my abs a workout from laughing so hard. The house was cozy, that's for sure. Paintings or collages were hung upon the wall. It was very home like. This was her home, as she said my home was her home. I felt it was was true. First night, I was sick and music was our only escape from this little town. We were so used to the lights, to the loudness that this felt wrong. Yet, at the same time so right. Our reality was so far away. Tomorrow, another will join our hectic week adventure in the place we both don't understand. He was the boy I got over in our time here. The boy who took my heart, and never in his life was planning to give it back. Then, when I got here I found it. Don't know exactly why it was planted in this little far away town, but it was. So, finders keepers losers weepers as I said when I was a child. It was mine, and it was mine to keep. He will come down here tomorrow, and he will watch me dance and smile, like he's never seen. He will not take my heart away again. This week will only consists of laughter and smiling.Something I haven't been doing much of. Most of the time will be spent, in a place where the water is a sharp blue. The water is almost freezing, but odd enough it's comforting. Her little brother will join us for one of the days we are here. With a little boy, as cute as that, you can't help but smile.
I turn 16 within the next month, and I can tell you now,
This summer will be the summer I'll always remember.
These will be the moments I will always remember.
Always.

If you can't do the math, then get out of the equation.

I sat there, trying to figure out exactly what you wanted me to write on paper.
What the anwer was, and exactly how you wanted me to write it.
I wasn't sure. You kept giving me differant anwers to the same question.
Then, I realized you must be talking about you.
I have so many ways to get you. So many ways to figure you out.
There's so many yet, I can never figure out one way. 2+2=?
I just want the answer to be you.So, why can't it be?
I want everything to lead up to you.You make sence and if suddendly you were the answer to everything. Then, the world would make sence.
I remeber that one time, when I had you.
I had found the answer. You.
But, suddendly, I thought it made no sence so I erased that answer, and got rid of you.
Only to suddendly realize, you were, and always will be my answer. To everything.
I only wish the equation would help me get you as my result.

We were both young, when I first saw you.

It was you, your sister, and me.
I was 4 years old, when we met.
As we grew up ,we played in the same playground,as if it was the only place we knew.
As if it was the place where we could just get away.
Our whole world changed one day, when we were 7.
You were the prince, and I was the princess.
The way it always was.
You'd come save me, and kiss me to wake me up, and we would live happily ever after.
But, this time.. it was real.
That kiss actually meant something, unlike all the fake ones that had happened before.
As my lips pressed agaisnt yours that night.
It had over come me, that I loved you more I could imagine.
Soon time slipped by.
I am now 15, as are you.
You get jelous about everyboy I bring home, and I get a little insecure knowing you don't love me anymore.
We had such chemistry when we were young.
But, people change, along with feelings.
But, I miss you.
And, somewhere secretly I miss what me and you used to have.

The night the sky feel down on me.

It was Febuary 14th.
I rememeber that date so clearly. It was the day, I took my best friends heart, and threw it out a 16 floor building.
She was the founder, I was the explorer.
She found this gorgeous boy. Perfect blonde hair that covered ever so slightly over his blue eyes. His perfect smell, and the way he always smiled. He barely spoke before we introduced ourselves. He was just a little boy that she saw everything in.
I thought he was another boy. But, behind everything. I had been admiring him since the first day when he walked into my english class. It wasn't just her, he was absolutly gorgeous, but I was afraid of talking to him. I don't know why. He was someone I just couldn't approch. But, once she got interested in him, I thought it was a perfect time to introduce myself to him. I did, and he was much more than I expected. Soon, he became the biggest part of my life, and I did something I wish I hadn't.
The boy and I, dated.
Now,on that day in Febuary as I mentioned.
Something bad occured.
It was 2 in the morning, and I was under the influence, he was aswell.
My best friend was there too.
We were sleeping at his house, and we were watching a movie, like friends do.
She had fallen asleep, or so we both had thought.
He kept asking me to go out in the hallway, and for the first few times I whispered in his ear " No..". But, he begged with that soft voice of his that I just can't resist.I did.
He took his pants down,and begged me to.
I did what he told me to.
It was 20 minutes later when I stood up, and walked back into the bathroom, and I realized what I had done.
And, as I layed down, he sat next to me. Hyming the prettiest lullaby I've ever heard.
Soon, he went upstairs.
And left me to sleep.
My best friend opened her eyes, and said
"You just fucked the prettiest boy at our school. You knew I liked him. I peeked in the hallway.I saw. We have a great friendship you know?
A great one, that just ended.
As, I said, she was the founder, I was the explorer.

O'hana means family.

Home Sweet, Not Home.
She kept trying to rehearse it to herself as if it was a line needed for a play.
A part she needed to really get into someone's shoes. But it was really her life she needed to understand. She was not at home. Her mom was no where in sight. She could hear her voice though, through the sharpness of the wind, or the little drops of water that fell from the faucet.She felt her presence,but knew she wasn't actually there.
She needed to take in her surroundings. Who she was with, and why she was with them.
" There's good in this." She kept replaying, as if her mind was a tape recorder.She was right, there was something good to this. She was finally getting that life where things made sense. Be home at this time, do your homework. The normal teenage life. She wasn't used to it though, and I guess that was the big thing in this. A whole new life could be started, or it could go back to not knowing. She was comforted by the fact that she took care of herself, and I guess that's one thing she didn't really notice until now. She liked taking care of herself, as if it was her against the world.
But, also she never realized that she was a kid. A kid who has doesn't have enough understanding of the world to take care of herself. This girl lived a life around drugs and alcohol, and it has always been that way, so suddenly living in a home without that, I guess in a way frightens her. It's so perfect here. Her home was nothing close, and to be honest, she kinda liked it that way. Her home felt unsafe, yet in a way was comfortable. Her parents were drunks, but for some reason gave more love to her then any other humans you could think of. Missing something is normal, she knows that. But, the fact is.
" O'hana means family. No one gets left behind." Meaning, there will never be a time I forget you, or leave you in your time of need. She left you. And, I hear her cry every night wishing she hadn't. But, she's coming home tomorrow. I promise you things will be better than they are now.
O'hana means family. Family means us.

Where's the end of this maze?

I walk in, and embarrasment follows.
We walk hand in hand as we enter that place, that I am suppose to call home.
It is nothing of the sort.The walls feel like windows, and everyone is watching my everymove. Every step, every breathe,feels wrong. The air is polluted with smoke, too many cigarettes had been lit, so the air is never clean. As I lay in my bed, I am lonely. I start to whimper just slightly, hoping they don't hear my cries.I'd be afraid of the words they'd spit out at me.
She and I sat down today. I spoke the truth, and I hoped to get that in return.I just wanted a little comforting, a little reasurance. My mind was like a vacumm looking for certain words to suck in, to make everything hurt less. But, you're words were like needles, each making me more afraid. Each word, or needle as I explained, were hitting me closer to the heart. If it didn't make it there, it hit a certain nerve in my body which made salt water run down my face, dripping from a white origin.
You are really starting to haunt me when I sleep.
I can't stand you anymore.
Stop.

No matter what, the truth is never real.

I have to admit, it's all coming back to me.
When, I look at you.
When, I touch you.
When, I think of you.
It all comes back.
They are things I'll never do again, but with you, they seemed right.
I don't know.
It was a long time ago, but I still get those flashbacks sometimes, and each time it hurts more.
My heart cries out a little louder, and I just want to break down.
But, no matter what I do, it always comes back.
There were those empty threats, and hollow lies, and whenever you tried to hurt me, I would just hurt you more and so much deeper.
There were hours that just went on for days.
But, I always have to remember you were history, with the slamming of the door.
And, I made myself so strong again, somehow.
But, I've wasted all my time on you, since then.
I just want you back.
Just once.
It was so long ago, but that's exactly why.
It was so right, but so wrong.
We talked all the time, but everything was so silent.
We faught constantly, but were always smiling.
We hated each other, but loved each other more than it's describable.
I wish you could just understand.
We were history, but our chemisty isn't gone.

My door was locked, so I don't understand how you got in.

Well, we meet again, don't we?
You came to my house with flowers and beating hearts, yet I was in my pyjama's when you walked in.
I had just took a shower, and everyhting seemed wrong.
It had been the wrong timing, the wrong boy,and the wrong place.
I had no idea how to function.
I needed time to get ready for this - You can't just get into it right away, you need time, don't you?
But,I guess I didn't.
You caught me. While, I was wondering around thinking I had to wait, and find it.
You came, and grabbed my heart,and expected me to catch on.
I did.
But, there's only a certain amount of pain a heart can take.
You hurt it.
Always finding something to stab into it.
Now, you're in the sky, and I'm on the floor.
I don't know how to get up, and you don't know how to get down.
The sad thing is, I want nothing more than to be with you.
Nothing.

I finally got caught in the act, now it's time for us to seperate.

Since we're being honest I think I should tell you,
You were the monster, that made me afraid of sleeping.
You were the unknown ,that made me afraid of the dark.
You were the pain, I acted like I never had.
You were the photographs, that made me believe I was happy once.
You were the drugs, I took to make it all better.
You were the stars, that I usually didn't see.
So, maybe it was wrong of me to think I could keep you, because I couldn't.
But, I want you to know that I'll be fine here without you.
But, I can't bring myself to lie to you -
I'll miss you.
You were my world savoir, and I have to finally say goodbye.