Because of you.

After I broke up with my ex boyfriend, I felt like I was never going to be loved again.
My friend told me about a social network site where she met a boy she fell in love with. I thought she was stupid, for falling in love with someone over the internet.
I made an account just to see what it was about.
Little did I know, I was going to find the boy of my dreams on the site,
2 weeks, and I already know I'm in love with him and I haven't even met him.
I've never been happier.

Where did the time go? Where did we go? ..

Missing someone isn't that much of a choice, you can miss them when you're asleep, and you can miss them when you're awake. But the worst way to miss someone is when that person's right next to you, when you're sitting next to them watching them, talking to them and realizing things have changed, wondering why and how they've become someone totally different in such a short amount of time

It can't be forever, can it?

I’m just so sorry that you can’t believe me anymore. You said I was a worthless person. I know I am. Just, talk to me. I can’t live with this silence.

Whenever you're world starts crashing down, that's when you'll find me.

" I'll always look up to you, and not because your taller then me, but because you're everything I've always wanted to be. You've always inspired me. It scares me to think you're giving up on me. You know why? Because you are everything to me. You keep me grounded. I can't handle you walking away. Look, I'm sorry for breaking all the promises, and I'm sorry I'm not the easiest to handle. But I promise you, although I have all those flaws, a part of me, always tries to make you proud. I've always, only wanted to make you proud of me. I wanted to feel like you fought for something. I want you to feel like I'm not just another let down.. Please believe me. Don't give up.. not yet anyways"

Move again, and I'll beat the shit out of you.

"You're fucking horrible, you're such a mess. A walking disaster. A fucking twat. You're worth nothing. Oh what are you doing, looking at yourself again? Aren't you such a beauty? .. kidding bitch. You look horrible today.. You always do. Why re apply the makeup if you can't hide that fucking monster within you anyways? You hate your fucking reflection don't you? I don't blame you, I'd hate it to if I were you."

It's to late to say your sorry baby.

I apologize.

But I don't think enough apologies can fix the total mental damage.. I wish I could change your life. To fix all the wrong things. Things that no one should be forced to go through. Things that no one should have to live with... Just to see a smile on your face. I'd fix everything for you. Even if it meant getting hurt in the process.

Truth is.

Truth is, I wanna know you again.

I want to be able to sing your favourite song whenever you're upset ( you're song changes all the times these days, i can't keep up)

I want to sit up and watch your favourite movies, and recite your favourite lines ( you never could chose whether you liked aladdin or jurrasic park)

I want to know your favourite food, and cook it for you at any time possible ( you never told me..)

I want to get to know your parents, maybe even learn a bit of your language ( you never let me talk to her,  it was like you didn't want me around)



The truth is, I want to give us another shot.
one more. without the difficulties.
just, me and you.

that's it.

the letter you'll never get the chance to read

Dear You,

I know this isn't diamonds, or a big car. It's not a trip to Cuba, or a new Iphone 4.

This is me, on the lousy internet writing you a stupid love letter. 

I hate love letters, there always superficial and saying stupid shit like " my heart beats for you" or " I can't live without you". 

You won't see that in this letter. You'll see me, telling you everything, some you don't know, other you might. I'm not really sure. In this letter, I promise you I will be nothing but honest. You may not believe me, but I will be. 

Here's our story from my point of view.

I still remember the first day you caught my eye. You and your friend just having fun, and dancing in the club.I just lightly smiled in your direction, I would have never guessed that we'd be where we are now.

About a month later, we finally get introduced. We both smile, and we have so much fun.

Me and you walk, and talk, for hours. We grab a slice at the local pizza place, and I remember we held hands for the first time here. It was awkward, yet somewhat comforting. I didn't know what to think. We exchanged numbers, and we talked like crazy. There was never a time we weren't talking. We slowly began to have feelings for each other. We were spending endless hours together, always laughing, always smiling. It was such an amazing feeling. Before I knew it, you were mine. 

At first, it was strange. For me, to have a boyfriend, after all the things that had gone on. You were nice, and you were comforting. I liked you, alot, and I liked being happy. Soon, before we knew it, my friends were your friends, we did everything together, you were my best friend, my everything. Things were going so good.. for months. Until..

I never knew the secrets you kept from me. I didn't think we kept things from each other. I saw so much in you, that I'd tell you every little thing that happened. I had yet to figure out that half the things you said to me, were lies.

It was our 6th month together, and we were okay. But, I think something happened that day. Some kind of trigger went off. 

From that day on, everything went downhill. I found out, you were taking pills .. alot. You had cheated on me, with a friend of mine, and things just kept elevating. I hate you, well I tried to. Everyone wanted me to, even I wanted to. But I couldn't. I couldn't see you doing evil. It was in the past now, things changed. You agreed. We tried, and tried, but we just couldn't get it right. We couldn't do it. I sat up every night, trying to figure out a way to fix everything. A way to keep you happy. I just wanted to figure out a way we could do it, because I knew there was a way we could. You  just gave up so easily. You didn't like the fight you had to push through to get to the other side. You still know to this day I would do anything for you. I would buy you all those things if I could, but I don't have that kind of money. I would do anything to prove to you, that all I want is you happy. I'm sorry I bother you, and nag you, and whatnot. But, half the time, you don't even listen to me. You always, most of the time anyway think I'm a joke. But I'm not. I do the things I do, because I care about you. Realistically, you're always on my mind. I am always worrying about you, and honestly, I do wonder what your doing. I'm sorry if that's wrong. If that's wrong, so is falling in love. I fell in love with you sweetheart, and you know it. You're aware of that. You told me to prove to you, that I do. I'm doing everything I possibly can to show you, and I get nothing. What do you want me to do, shout it from rooftops? 

This is the part of the love letter you may hate, 

but I would do anything for you. anything. I'd do it. 

Everyday you build me up, and somehow find a way to break me down. 

Honey, It'd give it all away for a night like we used to be, to go back to that. Although, this may not matter. At least you read it, and understand.

I apologize for bringing it up once again, but this is the truth. 

This is me. Sober. Telling you everything.

Maybe, you could write back, and tell me the truth from your perspective.

Love, 

Me.

Ghousts, please leave me alone.

My heart beats so fast, and my breathe shortens.
At this point, I begin to shake, and my face is emotionless.
There you are. There you are sitting on the edge of my bed.
" Hey, baby. I know it's late, but I'm coming to you now, because I need you more then anything right now," You began to tear up. " Baby, I'd do anything for you. The honest truth is I can't live without you."
I run to you, and grab you, I close my eyes, tears slowly streaming down my face, and wrap my arms around you...


To find myself hugging myself hugging myself..
I open my eyes, all red now.
I can't see you, but I can hear you now, it seems like you're behind me.

" You've always been so silly, you're so cute my sweet baby girl"
I quickly turn around and there you are. You lean in to kiss me, and I lean back.
I feel nothing. I open my eyes, you're gone yet again.

"Why can't I touch you?"
I whisper softly.

There you appear again, on my couch. Sitting there, drinking a cup of hot chocolate, like you always used to do.
"Because, baby, sometimes life isn't fair"

I breakdown, my body sprawled across the hardwood floor. Tears pour out like a small waterfall.
I slowly open my eyes, and there you are kneeled in front of me.
You're face is white, and you're scared.
"I'm so sorry baby"
And slowly, tears start to fall out of your eyes, one by one.
I slowly grab my legs, and sit cross legged in front of you.
I stare you in your dark brown eyes, and say one last thing.

"You're killing me. Why are you doing this to me? Why can't you leave me alone"

As soon as my sentence is over, you disappear.
I quickly look around my room, but you are no where in sight.
There is suddenly pure silence,
then my room echoed with " I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry"

Truth is.

Is anybody out there? It feels like I'm talkin to myself. No one seems to know my struggle

And everything I come from. Can anybody hear me? Man,It feels like I'm going insane.

Am I the one who's crazy? Look,I can't tell you what it really is,I can only tell you what it feels like.I feel like I'm losing control of myself, I sincerely,

Apologize if all that I sound like is I'm complaining, but that's not the intention..

This is me, I may be the only one going crazy, but fuck it, one day you'll get me. One day you will. One day you'll be in my position. You'll love somebody so much you can barely breathe when you're with them. You'll meet and neither one of you will know what hit you, you'll get that warm fuzzy feeling, yeah the chills you'll have it all. Then that bastard Love will come into walk into your life, and will have so much fun fucking you over. Once he comes in, come tell me how the story ends. I'm hatin' my reflection, I walk around the house tryin' to fight mirrors,

I can't stand what I look like, yeah, I look fat, but what do I care?

IThe Second Star To The Right Shines In the night for you.

You can go.
You can travel the woods alone, and hum beautiful melodies.
You can dance with the squirrels, and rabbits, and bears.
You can smell the maples trees, and the wonderful flowers that grow here and there.

But I should warn you now, the night brings other things.
Once the night captures the woods, all noises are haunting.
If your lights don't adjust to the woods fast enough, you may be running a race, with creatures you never knew about.


But, if you need me. I'll still be there.
Just look to the star and find the brightest star in the sky.
There I'll be.

In never never land.
Because, you know what?
While you're growing up in the scary forest, I'll be with my good ol' friend Peter Pan discussing how lame it is to be a man.

Light A Way - He is We ( This Song Must Have Been Written For Us)

The morning’s here, and we’re still caught up in the night.
The sky was clear, and everything felt right.
Our time is short, but I’m sure I’ll see you soon.
We’ll take another walk along the bridge, and underneath the moon.

What a find, If I could I’d hit rewind and replay.
All the moments that I wished, I could’ve called you mine.

And tonight, I pray.

Light a way, on my love.
Light a way, from above.
Shine it down, lead me home,
Back to him.

A night away, and we’ve got a few to go.
And I’ve mastered the art of missing, and my smile lacks a glow.
That you showed me how to shine that very night.
We were entwined, Oh God how I wish you were mine.

And tonight, I pray.

Light a way, on my love.
Light a way, from above.
Shine it down, lead me home,
Back to him.
Bring me back to him.

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my heart you choose to keep.
And if I die before I wake, all of me is yours to take.
If I don’t see you again, It’d take all I have within.
Maybe I’ll just stay awake, I think I’ll just stay awake.

Light a way, on my love.
Light a way, from above.
Shine it down, lead me home,
Light a way, on my love.
Light a way, from above.
Shine it down, lead me home.

I'm so over asshole's like you.

My Tired Heart Is Beating So Slow.

I hung up the phone tonight,

and as usual, I felt the same thing I've been trying to ignore happened, again.

The rush, unbearable. The butterflies, unreal.

I wish I could tell you, somehow spit the words out of my mouth.

But, I can't do it.

I barely admit it to myself these days.

I don't understand why I keep running from the truth, because honestly, all I ever do is think about you.

I don't know if I'm crazy, or if maybe this is it? Maybe this is love.

Maybe this is what I've been looking for.

 Perhaps I found you.

Do you ever catch you're breathe when I look at you?

Are you holding back like the way I do?

I feel like, we need to take the chance, 

because I feel like maybe, just maybe we could make this last forever.

Take a look at me, and now take a look at you.

This could be perfect if we gave it a shot.

I promise. 

Just give me a shot, I promise you won't be let down.

Look At The Stars And How They Shine For You

I watch the sun go back to bed, waiting for the darkness to cover the light blue sky.

I wait, and I wait. I usually get really impatient, so I start dancing with the fireflies.

We dance, and we sing until the black cover finally covers the sky.

When it does, The fireflies lead me to a place where I met you.

The fireflies fly around your face, and your glowing.

You blush, and we both smile. The fireflies soon leave, and we're on our own now. 

We walk, and talk about space, and what's beyond all of us. 

We finally decided to lay down, and we stare at the stars, and we count them.

One, two, three.

But, I get lost in thought. I stare at you. 

Here it comes. All of a sudden, I feel like the fireflies all flew into my stomach, and my heart is on overdrive.

I try to relax. You then look at me, and point to the sky, and say 

" Hey look!"

A shooting star crosses the sky.

"Quck make a wish!" 

You whisper in my ear.

- My wish :  I won't ask for much. Ever. I just want him.

But wishing's just no good, 'cause I just know you won't see me the way I wish you would.

" So, what did you wish for?"

 You turn your head and look at me.

You're pretty blue eyes hypotize me.

" It won't come true if I tell you"

 I slowly respond.

" Well, if you don't tell me how am I suppose to make it come true? "

I blush.  You always do know what to say don't you?

" You don't need to make it come true. It's not your responsibility."

Then, you said this.

The word's I'll never forget ever. 

" I thought that's what you did when you were in love with someone. Try to make all there dreams and wishes come true.

Excuse me, if I was wrong. I've never been in love before.. you're the closest I've ever had.. and I don't want to lose this."

Frankly, I'm so sick of talking.

  I never knew that everything was falling through
That after all these months I'd still be calling you
To try to sell you on the thought of coming back to me.
All I know is I still feel the same way that I felt, so long ago.
I just want you back.

Everyone Here Believe's In Love, But You.

From the first time that I saw you
Looking like you did,
We were young,
We were restless,
Just two clueless kids.

We'd run down abandon roads holding hands,
We'd lay down in meadows, and look at the clouds.
We'd run home at dinner time, and your mother would tell us stories that seemed to never end.


You were my excitement,
My hope, and my faith.



If only I knew then what I know now,
I'd fall in love.

Twists In Modern Day FairyTales.

         

  "I know I said he wanted to leave,

                                                                                                 Honestly, I should admit I lied
                                                                                                                   I told him to leave."


"But.. 
   Mama,
           why?"
           


     " Because, when you love someone, 
                 with every beat of your heart,
                       with every breath that you take,
                                and every bone in your body,
                                           you really learn something..."


" And,
      What's that, 
               Mama?"


              " You learn sometimes,
                              in order to keep them
                                            safe and happy,
                                                    you have to let go of people.
                                                           Sometimes, goodbye's can be good.
                                  


"But, Mama,
       Didn't it hurt?
               Didn't you ever miss him?"
  


                        " Oh baby girl,
                                    Of course I miss him,
                                         Sometimes, I do dream of what could've happened.
                                                 But  I said goodbye to him. 
                                                        For you.
                                                                 So my baby girl,
                                                                         Could have the best life in the whole world,
                                                                                   He couldn't give you that.
                                                                                           Heck, 
                                                                                                  he couldn't even love me.
                                                                                                   Baby girl,
                                                                                                         All I ever wanted to 
                                                                                                                   give you was perfectness.
                                                                                                                         Because that's what you deserve.
                                                                                                                              I just wanted you to have that, 
                                                                                                                                   Picture perfect life, you always wanted.
                                                      




                                                                                                                        


 .... I'm so sorry I couldn't give it to you."


                                                                                                                             








                                                            


















                  

The most beautiful 17th birthday gift ever.

Hey Dad,
 
I love you this much,
And, i'm waiting on you, Do you love me too?




Looks like the waiting paid off,
looks like you love me too.

I'm still running from tomorrow.

You got me begging, begging.

Please don't go.

I don't know if you feel the way I do.

But, if you leave, I'm going to find you.

You weren't just another fish in the sea, to me.

We clutch, it isn't much but it's enough to make me wonder what's in store for us.

 All I know, is right here, and right now, I love you more then anything in the entire world.

But, oh course you won't listen anymore.

You could never see how much I fucking fought for you?

I tried to fucking prove it to you baby.

I tried my fucking best, to give you nothing but perfectness.

So fuck it, i'm leaving.

I'm done with your bullshit.

Have fun trying to find someone who actually give a damn, 

someone that'll put up with all you're scremo music crap,

someone who will make up stories for what happened to your hair,

someone who will put up with your fucking bullshit, and your non stop lies.

I hope you find someone who fucking makes you cry like i did,

Every damn night, I layed awake, tears on my pillow, trying to find a way to end this fucking fight.

But, I couldn't, cause I loved you,

I couldn't let you go,cause you were my fucking everything.

But, i've learnt something over the years.

EVERYONE LEAVES.

.

So You Better Hear Me Out This Much You Owe Me

I don't think he understands the sacrifices that I made
Maybe if this bitch had acted right, I would've stayed
But I've already wasted over half of my life,
I would've laid down and died for you,
I no longer cry for you,
No more pain bitch,
You took me for granted took my heart and ran it straight into the planet,
Into the dirt,
I can no longer stand it
Now my respect,
I demand it!
I'mma take control of this relationship
Command it, and i'mma be the boss of you now goddamnit!
And what I mean is that I will no longer let you control me!

You've Sure Got The Words To Explain The Explainable.

"What happened between us that night it always seems to trouble me 
Now all of a sudden these gossip brags wanna cover me
And you makin' it seem that it happened that way because of me
But I was curious and I'll never forget it baby
What an experience, you coulda been the one but it wasn't that serious
Their was smoke in the air before now its me clearin' it
That felt good, all and all I learned a lesson from it though
You never see it comin' you just get to see it go "

Here's A Secret Nobody Knew.

Congradulations "best friend", you ruined my life.

The Long Lost Phone Call

Hey,
It sure is nice to talk to you again.
How's life been treating you?
I heard you got a new girl?
She better be treating you right, 'cause you deserve someone amazing.
Don't let her make you unhappy okay? Please?
You deserve so much more then that.
You might have made mistakes with me,
and I might have made mistakes with you,
but the one thing we both deserve is to be happy.
It's hard to be happy, without you.
I mean, knowing my baby is rolling around with another girl, that's a little hard to bare.
But I'm trying.
I'm not afraid of living without you, I just don't like it.
I hate it actually.
But, if you're happy this way, so be it.
I just want you happy.

I'm sure we'll talk again soon.
but, goodbye for now.


ps. I love you.
                     -- forever and always

I Was Blinded.

You get blinded when you’re in love, I think that’s the big problem.

You get blinded by the sight of them. You go blind, so you don’t see the actions that are happening. You don’t watch because you think it’s impossible that things could unravel and perhaps take your loved one away.

You don’t notice when things fall apart because you’re so caught up in seeing the good in everything, but mostly you plead to see the good in them. If things start to get worse, you’ll start to see yourself changing. You’ll start to blame yourself for there actions, or words. Anything to make yourself believe there’s still something good in them. That’s when things get bad. At this point, you will believe anything they say. No matter if it’s a lie. You start to fight for them, you grab your amour and your weapons, and you head out onto the battlefield of love. You get beat. You’re black and blue. Cuts everywhere. You’re bleeding like crazy. Your lungs are crushed, it hurts to breathe. Your legs are aching, and your heart feels out of place. You lay down, and you stare into the sky.

The pain is starting to become overwhelming. 

You start to think “Where did it all wrong? I just didn’t, I couldn’t see this coming? Maybe this is my fault?” At this point, you just want  to head back home. You’re ready for the father to take you home. You don’t want to hurt anymore, you don’t want to keep crying out to the sky. You can’t do it without the person you love. Life just doesn’t make sense without them. It’s unliveable.

When you get to this point, you need to close your eyes, breathe and stand up.

You need to put on a brave face. You need to keep your head up high, please. For me?

You need to go get washed up, and bandage your heart. Just hold on. I know it’s going to hurt, cause I’ve been there. I didn’t want to keep going either. I didn’t know how to function without my baby. I didn’t know what to do. But I’m trying, and you need to try with me.

We need to put our sunglasses back on, and keep away from the sun.

We don’t want to get blinded again, do we?

Here's The Magic.

I don’t know,
 but
I think I, may be

Fallin’ for you

Everything That Means Anything At All, You Have.

I miss your smile,

       ... but I mostly miss mine.

Love Made Me Blind

There's another thing to learn about tears:
They can't make somebody who doesn't love you anymore love you again.

Abutor(Abuse)

You have to keep your head up high.
I know it hurts. I know you wanna break down and cry.
But you gotta stand up tall okay?
You need to hold on.
At least for me.

I love the way you lie.

"I'll do whatever it takes
When I'm with you, I get the shakes
My body aches when I ain't
With you I have zero strength
There's no limit on how far I would go
No boundaries, no lengths .
There's nothing I wouldn't do for ya baby.
Nothing in this whole fucking world.
You better not forget that."

It's Alright.

Your just going to stand there and watch me burn?
That's alright
because I like the way it hurts.
Your just going to stand there and hear me cry?
That's alright
because I love the way you lie.

Abutor( Abuse)

“Can I hold your arm?” I ask, as I stumble.

The alcohol starts to kick in now, the world is spinning.

“ Uh, sure...Wanna just hold my hand?” you say, reaching to grasp mine.

This odd sensation starts to over come me at this moment.

Was that a spark? Is this possibly more then just friendship?

I stare you in the eyes, you look startled.

A quick smile starts to force onto my face, and we walk.

I turn to smile at you, and your smile somehow gives me shivers.

We both know what we feel, and we both know how wrong it is.

I felt the magic, something I had been missing from my old relationship.

I finally felt happy with myself, as if I was on top of the world.

It was nice. “You were nice.”

But it was wrong. “You had to be wrong.”

I let go, and walked away..

Because, as usual..

You were something I could only dream of having,

Something I could, would never get.

I ran now, so I wouldn’t get hurt.

I hope to god I didn’t make another mistake.